It has already been 18 years, but I am still afraid. Today,
the day looks beautiful, people hovering around, children playing and shouting.
I wish I could go with them and jump until I get exhausted. The reason I am
here is “I can’t”.No, I can’t go to
enjoy my life because I have an examination to appear. It is still the
nightmare for me. I always hate it, but I am compulsorily embracing it just to
get a nice smile on the annoying faces. Well, what else can I do? I have a
different interest, if I say it to my mother, I will be odd man out in the
house and probably in the society. I want to live a life and have my own
dreams, but why these examinations are slowing me?
“Sujil!! Are you still
peeking in your computer?”, Mother reproached me.
“Mom! I am not a child
to play games in computer. I am still working with my blog”, I said her
angrily.
“That blog won’t feed
you. I am worried if you will be just like the neighbour’s child. Please don’t
say that you take drugs in some days”, Mother replied from kitchen.
“Mom! I am not a fool,
and that bloody tome is not my passion!!”, I replied.
I was very furious at the moment, so I closed the pc and
banged my desk with the bulky Nepali book. I don’t know what she thought of it,
but I didn’t care anymore. I opened the book and began to prepare for my Nepali
examination. Oh god! I can’t get this
annoying characters printed in the book.
I closed my eyes and meditated, simply to drag my interest
to come forward. I opened the book again: this time with more confidence.
Though it had many lessons to read, I couldn’t read all of them because some of
them were essays and some were boring dialogues. Even the stories were not
interesting. Then, I decided to close the book and read the physics book, whose
exam was in the previous day. It didn’t
matter to me even if I fail in Nepali because it was none of my business. I
don’t wish to pursue career in nepali.
“Why? I still ask you
why? Why is this compulsory to me to study Nepali? If I don’t study this bullshit,
does it mean I don’t have love for country? I can guarantee I have more feeling
for country than those artists making money out of Nepali writing.”
I nearly got a slap from my father. Phew! Thank god he missed it. Since then, I didn’t ask anything to
anyone Why to study nepali?
Well, I still am afraid of these nepali examinations. I am
not the only youth who wants this out of sight. There are many people who are
driven by society rather than their passion. Men are still working till their
skin torn off not for their dreams but the dream of society. I, along with many
others, am living a dead man’s life. I still try to confront the challenges of
this, but I follow my parents path, completely defeated.
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